I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
