so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
