Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
