evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
