you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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