i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
