It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
