I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
