Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
