Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
