Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
