We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
