It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
