Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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