Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
