I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
