Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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