just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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