Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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