I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
