(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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