I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
