Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
