why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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