I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
