you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
