Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
