You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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