You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
