i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm too high and old for this...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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