Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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