i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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