Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
