i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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