i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
