I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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