I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
