There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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