i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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