I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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