I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
