no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
