I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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