just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
