This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
