i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
