you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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