you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
