Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
