i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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