She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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