I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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