What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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