Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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