I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize