i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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