U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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