I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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