He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just gift wrapped bread.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
