No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
