I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
