I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
